Yet a year or more of being constantly on call has taken it’s toll
Now all back to school.
I don’t do silence very well, it makes my legs itch.
But this quiet has been longed for.
The house returning to normality, the quiet rhythm of the day.
While I can wish that somethings never happened,
I can not wish away what I have learnt about myself and others.
I love the chaos and thrive in mess, but don’t do well without a space to rest.
I have changed forever yet I remain committed
knowing that I also need to step back on a regular basis.
yet even here I need my space, not hiding behind a paper or screen but so I can fully engage.
even when my mind can not compute and I wrestle with the truth
to Meg (my dear wife and best friend),
with whom I have shared many tears and learnt not to fear the sadness, we are closer now than ever.
to caring for myself,
I’m getting fitter, lighter, reflecting more and learning to live each day in the light of God’s grace.
In this return to normality I do not crave a lack of chaos, but simply the space to handle it well. To retain clear thinking where I can practise, loving God, neighbour and self.
Being present for me requires an empty head.