Mile Twenty-Five

My Mum (Liz, Elizabeth and Grandma), died on Wednesday 29th Dec. Only three months before, she had run in the London marathon but was pulled off the course at mile 19 – as we later found out she had advanced cancer in her bones. We have so much to be thankful for; she taught us how to be kind and somehow made everyone she met feel like royalty. We had precious time at home with her in her last three weeks. I am at peace that she is now at peace with Jesus, but it really aches. The tears are seasoned with gratitude. I wrote the following just before she died..

Mile Twenty-Five

Marathon Mum at mile twenty-five
Stopping to embrace the grandchildren
Asking the time of fellow runners
Glistening with care and a royal radiance

You set the pace and the tone
Treating everyone with grace
Seeing beyond schooling and position
Welcoming all with tea and time to listen

You had space for crying and craft
Home perfected by sticky glue and Swiss cows
Elegantly dressed with pearls, a blouse and muddy boots
Ready for adventures held in jars with string

You were scarcely frivolous but always generous
Budget pasties on the green, felt like a feast
Yet you couldn’t get enough sofas, sheep or little draws
And collected photos collated our lives

You have lived and taught us kindness
Rarely angry and always cross inspired
Full of thankyous, nothing too much
People first, kettle always warm

Elite Elizabeth, the final mile,
Still breaking your stride you care for us
Endurance Mum, last run home
Along The Mall and then your crown

Mum running the London Marathon 2021 at mile six. She was pulled off at mile 19 and shortly afterwards diagnosed with late-stage cancer in her bones. She died on 29 Dec 2021.

From This to That

Some days the sky is regal blue and the seas are glassy still,
Walking in sun drenched paths hands clasped,
Moulding reality from hope-filled dreams,
Peace at last…

Is shattered by process,
Shards cutting tender skin,
Splinters pierce, torpedoed deep,
These days the darkening storm stirs the waters into chaos.

This raging ocean within my mind is hard to swim against.
Clumsy powers choking out the rediscovered joy of life.
Yet He comes walking the waters of my mind,
Leading me from this to that.

Storms stilling,
Grace leads me,
From this to that,
Resting in the King.

Keep on keeping on

Honestly lockdown is tough. Different for everyone, but I have found it tough. The reason I choose to keep going, keep on loving and looking out for people, keep on focused on making a little bit of a difference, is not because I am strong, but because I have an unlimited power source.

Jesus does not grow tired or weary.

So to keep on keeping on, I simply have to wait on him.

Every moment is the opportunity to change your mind, to choose life.

Too often we are weighted down by the guilt and shame of the past or held up by the wall of fear in front of us. But this moment is not defined by the past or the future. What defines this moment is the invitation of Jesus to change our minds. As we make this simple choice, and stand again as forgiven people, we are filled by this Holy Spirit and start to have our minds renewed so we have the mind of Christ.

Not even chocolate cake

We walked.

Just walked.

No words, lots of grumps and shrugs.

We walked with the dogs. He even manages to grump with them, pulling at the lead.

Maybe a treat would help unlock this conversation.

Coke and chocolate cakes – seems to have worked for years.

In fact we started while he was still in a pram. We sat in the coffee shop for over three hours. Chocolate cake in hand I fed him little peices and and every time said chocolate cake. Then it happen, his first words, “choc-choc-cake”. Brilliant Dad win.

But this time even chocolate cake does not seem to unlock a conversation. I drop in a couple of crafted coaching questions… nothing. No, more than nothing, anger, pain and a silent scream so loud that it hurts.

We walk home, still nothing.

But we have walked it out.

In the house, back hiding in his phone.

Then dinner, a bit lighter.

The evening ends with laughter and a hug. I tuck him in and pray for him, a privilege, given his teenage years.

No resolutions. Maybe another day? But at least we walked it out. At least I did not push him into forced talking.

This parenting thing is tough, but good.

Feet up, rest up.

I am an activist. I would much rather be doing something rather than nothing. If I can be creating or organising then I feel at home. Even in my rest times I would rather be active. Walking, making something in the garage or my ideal, running. Part of the reason I love this sort of resting is that it gives me thinking and praying space.

When I was at collage we would have Wednesday morning lectures on spirituality. They were always followed by silence, hours of it. I would ache and scream. The quieter it was, the more I wanted to get up and shout something. But then one day the lecturer talked about finding rest and stillness in movement. Something clicked. He spoke about how some people needed to move in order to find that inner stillness that allows thoughts and concerns to surface. I was listening, he was describing me. Suddenly sneaking off for a run in the times that I was suppose to be silent and praying had been affirmed and I could finally make sense and find peace.

Almost 20 years on, the creativity and the running have become my go to place for resting. If every I get stuck or have had a stressful day, a few miles on the road and the days trouble are settled.

And yet….

There is another sort of rest that I have also learnt over time to embrace.

Just sitting and doing nothing.

Stopping, setting down.

Sleeping.

In the sun – the best rest.

That is what is needed today. Feet up, rest up.

(and planning a 13 mile run before the of the day…. but for now… sleep.)

Are you a blessing or just getting

The bombardment of things I must get so that I can be happy is overwhelming. The internet was suppose to connect us with community, but increasingly it just divides us in to tribes at war. All the while it feeds us a diet of self sufficiency and selfishness as the route to happiness.

What has the christian community, that is suppose to be a blessing to the world, got to offer in this context?

Being part of a christian community is so good and that is part of the problem. We connect with others from different parts of society. We gather in large groups with the purpose of being an encouragement to each other rather than having to compete. We eat in each others homes. In an increasingly fragmented world, the christian community is so good and truly connected.

So how could we relearn how we are suppose to be a blessing to those around us? How can we reconnect with our mission to make disciples? How can we put the tools to do this in the hands of followers of Jesus who may not feel like evangelists? In the last couple of days I think I have been introduced to such a tool.

For the last two days I have been on what is best described as a conversation, rather than a conference. Hosted by Ivy Church in Manchester and run by New Thing, the Catalyst Community is equipping us to be a churches that multiply rather than die. So much good content and conversation. But perhaps the best and most useful seems to flip the switch from a church community that is just following the culture and “getting” to remembering how to be a “blessing”. It is simple and follows the letters in B.L.E.S.S.

Begin with prayer – as you go who are you praying for?

Listen – as you go, listen to people, their story is important.

Eat – invite people to eat with with you. It is really intimate and builds relationships.

Serve – find ways to serve and help people

Share/Story – your story has power, share it with people and as you do so you will be sharing the good news of Jesus.

So simple and transferable. We will be using this at All Saints I’m sure. How about you?

Same actions, same results?

For years the bills would come into our home. I would open them with the same surprise and fear that people wanted money for the services that I had used. Then I would place the bills on a pile in the hope that the money would come in sometime soon and that I may at a future date remember to pay the bills.

Then the reminders would come, I would have to scrabble around, find the money and make the embarrassing call. Every month doing the same thing. Every month hoping that something would change. But unsurprisingly nothing did change.

Then someone introduced me to the idea that I could pay all the bills in one go in advance. I simply calculate how much the bills totalled the average month, place that amount of money in a different account at the start of the month, then set up direct debits for every bill. Since then, the bills have been paid on time and I have worried less.

The same action produced the same result. A changed action produced a different result.

Since WW1 the Church of England has declined by about 1% every year. There are some exceptions to this, but with the current trajectory the Church of England could have all but disappeared in the next few decades. Even the best projections for the recruitment of clergy are in fact a plan for decline1.

The Church of England has a tag line of “a christian presence in every community”. Yet despite decades of writing, reflection and calls to actions, we do the same things in the same places. We put on services, run by priests in church buildings. We seem unable to accept that we are no longer able to provide this even though the cost is huge and the operational requirements overwhelming. We do the same things we have always done, potentially endangering the collapse of the whole organisation. Yet we expect the results to be different.

If we want a different outcome, we have to change the actions.

We have to go back to the core things that we have been called to. Making disciples who make disciples. It’s not about services, or buildings or priests. Until we get back to making disciples, we can’t expect the church to grow. Jesus has given us a job, to make disciples, then he will do what he has promised – to grow the church.

Lets change the action then hopefully we will see a different future emerge.

  1. There were about 7230 anglican full time paid parish clergy in 2018 . This was a ratio of 1 clergy to 7742 population. Based on the most optimistic deployment levels for 2031/5 there would be 7610 clergy at ratio of 1 clergy to 8641 population. Therefore even thought a recruitment increase of +50% is being talked about, even the most optimistic number are a real terms reduction.

No more prep, race day tomorrow.

There comes a time when the training’s done and the running almost begun. Some last minute checks on the gear. Attaching numbers to vests and tags to shoes. Buying post run snack and pre run energy drinks.

One more sleep, if I can. Then an early train. The usual waiting and pacing before the off. But really there is nothing left todo. Just show up and run.

I am so grateful for all the encouragement and the huge generosity of every supporter. CUF do such great work in some of the poorest communities, thanks for helping change lives.

It will be amazing to run tomorrow, the cheer of the London crowd leaves a precious mark on the heart. But more than that, it is such a privilege to run with my brother (almost 50) and mum who is 75! Some how she manages to look almost regal, even after 26.2 miles.

Someone sent me this verse from the bible:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us!

So apt for a marathon, just wish I could have lay aside a little more weight, then I would stand a chance of running a little faster. But it’s even more true of life. We have to leave some things behind and run the race before us.

If you have not yet had the chance to sponsor me, there is still time:

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/marksearlelondon2018