Category Archives: friendship

Not even chocolate cake

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We walked.

Just walked.

No words, lots of grumps and shrugs.

We walked with the dogs. He even manages to grump with them, pulling at the lead.

Maybe a treat would help unlock this conversation.

Coke and chocolate cakes – seems to have worked for years.

In fact we started while he was still in a pram. We sat in the coffee shop for over three hours. Chocolate cake in hand I fed him little peices and and every time said chocolate cake. Then it happen, his first words, “choc-choc-cake”. Brilliant Dad win.

But this time even chocolate cake does not seem to unlock a conversation. I drop in a couple of crafted coaching questions… nothing. No, more than nothing, anger, pain and a silent scream so loud that it hurts.

We walk home, still nothing.

But we have walked it out.

In the house, back hiding in his phone.

Then dinner, a bit lighter.

The evening ends with laughter and a hug. I tuck him in and pray for him, a privilege, given his teenage years.

No resolutions. Maybe another day? But at least we walked it out. At least I did not push him into forced talking.

This parenting thing is tough, but good.

Are you a blessing or just getting

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The bombardment of things I must get so that I can be happy is overwhelming. The internet was suppose to connect us with community, but increasingly it just divides us in to tribes at war. All the while it feeds us a diet of self sufficiency and selfishness as the route to happiness.

What has the christian community, that is suppose to be a blessing to the world, got to offer in this context?

Being part of a christian community is so good and that is part of the problem. We connect with others from different parts of society. We gather in large groups with the purpose of being an encouragement to each other rather than having to compete. We eat in each others homes. In an increasingly fragmented world, the christian community is so good and truly connected.

So how could we relearn how we are suppose to be a blessing to those around us? How can we reconnect with our mission to make disciples? How can we put the tools to do this in the hands of followers of Jesus who may not feel like evangelists? In the last couple of days I think I have been introduced to such a tool.

For the last two days I have been on what is best described as a conversation, rather than a conference. Hosted by Ivy Church in Manchester and run by New Thing, the Catalyst Community is equipping us to be a churches that multiply rather than die. So much good content and conversation. But perhaps the best and most useful seems to flip the switch from a church community that is just following the culture and “getting” to remembering how to be a “blessing”. It is simple and follows the letters in B.L.E.S.S.

Begin with prayer – as you go who are you praying for?

Listen – as you go, listen to people, their story is important.

Eat – invite people to eat with with you. It is really intimate and builds relationships.

Serve – find ways to serve and help people

Share/Story – your story has power, share it with people and as you do so you will be sharing the good news of Jesus.

So simple and transferable. We will be using this at All Saints I’m sure. How about you?

Better with age?

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Meeting up with someone I knew twenty years ago and he still looks the same. I am not sure I understand how that’s possible and I really don’t think it is fair.

Maybe we all mellow with age but some how it was far easier for me to be with him this week than it was twenty years ago. There had been quite a journey on his part. Pain and soul searching along the way. He had always been warm and genuine, as much as I ever new him back in the day, but now even more so he is someone who was easy to connect with.

Our conversation led me to a realisation that over the last twenty years I too have left many things behind. The old insecurities and distances that I used to place between myself and others have largely gone. Perhaps even though the last two decades have left me with little hair and a body that is less active, not that I really want to admit it, I am finally comfortable in this old skin.

Today I am more at peace with who I am and who I am becoming. Thanks old friend, I think things do get better with age.